How To Tweet



Settle down kids, I’ve got your aphorism. Encapsulation coming right up. Two-faced and black and white like Bele and Lokai. I simplified for your sake, not mine. What’s the problem? Inject it and feel better, there’s more in the back. I’m not Machiavellian, I’m just talking to everyone. I’m a man of the people. My thoughts encircle the globe. They’re like, universal. I’ve got an ardent follower for every doubt revealed by a mirror.

Oh, that concept is like that one line in that book you didn’t read by an author that I append ‘ism’ to. How else do I catalogue my intellect, if it’s not obvious when I name drop? You’ll love the next tweet, it’s from a book that I read twice. I am not a philosopher, it’s just all of my tweets surround culture because I’m likeable. I’ve also got a cat, because the feminine is out of the window so I make do with his mercurial fleabag.

Oh sorry brah, I wasn’t paying attention. Yeah, I’m due to clear six figs from my store selling masks with third-eye symbolism. It’s a niche market I’m exploiting. You could too if you had the discipline. I’ll post some raw numbers later, get your mouth watering. If you were a G you would understand, but I got to jump on a call. It never stops bro. Pick up my new course and follow the link. What are you waiting for? It’s perfect for an amoeba like you.

Let me show you boys and girls, how to soak in the divine light and be sculpted like Zyzz traded secrets with Zeus. Stand in the sun, it’s what Ra would have wanted. Look at these pictures, I’m so cut, I could almost be loved. I can teach you everything. Just follow along please. We can start a community, I’ll create a podcast, I’ll just never stop if you can like everything. Don’t be a hater. Good vibes only, it’s the future. Be like me, be like all of us. I’m not afraid of confrontation, I just think it’s important to look strong.

I was reading the rest of these descriptions and they almost amused me, because I amuse myself so readily. The bar is set high. Every one of my posts is so popular, because they are absolutely meaningless. You see, forget all that actionable value. It’s about saying nothing while making reference to subjects that nobody has ever cared about from an angle that is unique. It makes you look unflappable, like you know things people don’t, and ease through the real world. Instead of stumbling around in a conceptual haze.

Just me, your friendly neighbourhood sage. There was no wi-fi connection atop the mountain so I had to come down to earth with you mortals. My insights are so perfect, that they don’t need to have meaning. It’s all signal, interpret how you wish. It’s all for the people, not my image of feigning infallibility. Nobody wants to hear that I cried this morning or I hate myself, it’s moot. Thanks for following along. The secret is decentralising integrity.

I called it. Yep, I knew I would be included. I told you years ago, looks like I was right again. One moment, I have to retweet a vaguely political statement that aligns with my views depending on the level of criticism that follows. I transcended adopting a position a long time ago, now I am loyal to speculation. I reinvent myself every day, it’s the key to improvement the men’s side of the internet doesn’t want you to know. I killed my past long before a character in a Disney movie said it.

Why are you still reading? Haven’t you got something to say?

  1. Remi

    I’m reading the blog-your post because you are in the Real.

Comments are disabled.