Trial by Values



In a daze of penetrating retorts and incisive insults I can barely recall, I admit I’ve not taken the easy path to developing an online following.

I don’t make nice at every turn or tell people what they want to hear, and I do not manipulate people like assets either. Growing a following to its maximal return requires a saint or a devil, but nothing in-between. In recent mentions, I was accused me of “stalking” on a social network based on followers and criticised that my website ideas and concepts exist mostly in my head.

Though it happens that you are reading them here, therefore that assertion did not age well.

My critics fail to understand that my world has undergone a protracted period where everything is subject to a trial by values. In periods of bewilderment, all I could do is express what I knew to rebuke. My reliable support of relentless execution abandoned ship, I was rudderless and adrift, as if all of my previously held values were wiped clean.

I had to rediscover a driving force for life.

The root of shaping a value system for me I discovered, is via inversion. The actions that repel me reveal the introverted properties of incongruence. I will not prevent these reactions as this is akin to stunting my own growth. That is why I am writing again. I did the hard work. To outsiders I was lashing out. To those with a sufficient intelligence, I was exercising a cognitive leap of faith.

The pure nature of an introverted value cannot be reasoned with. It doesn’t matter if you are Gordon Ramsay launching an invective over undercooked meat, or Kanye West telling the world that he will let Taylor Swift finish, or the not-so-complex lyrics of the Kaiser Chiefs song Na Na Na Na Naa (“it does not move me, it does not get me going at all”). If you hold strong personal values, this comes as no shock.

For me, values might be understood as the lifeblood of the soul. If my values are not aligned, I do not care at all. If the charge of feeling is not onboard I will not act. Or as an ENTJ managing director once said “I’d rather breakeven and deliver family ethos, than make a profit and lose customers.” The pursuit of profit without consideration for the value of the end product is heartless in the eyes of the courageous visionary.

In the trial by values, some will become collateral damage and some will become sanctified. You will make enemies, but that means you stood for something. You will make true friends, because there will be no pretense and no arranged subtext for the friendship. The friendship will be built on authentic and congruent expression. You’ll understand what friendship truly is.

There is no other way to express the soul, other than by sheer immersion. The reason people plateau and stagnate in their lives is they have no cojones, they cannot invite risk and be a child again. Success notwithstanding, why do you think it took Elon Musk almost 50 years to smoke a blunt on JRE? People accept these pop-culture situations, but they do not understand them.

I’ve put myself in situations of complete emotional vulnerability, where I feared the worst. I’ve opened myself up in a way I have never done so before. I have no need to cling to logic for safety. I am beyond that, because I dared to walk across the hot coals of complete anguish. My life as a result, is imbued with a vitality I had not felt before, that logical minds chase with control. My resultant feelings are now precise and clear.

I would rather die than let someone tell me what to think, feel and say.

But as Nassim Taleb tweets “imbecile” from a moving taxi, I remind you, the trial never ends.

  1. Eric


  2. Jeremiah

    “I would rather die than let someone tell me what to think, feel and say.” Exactly how I feel, my last few years seems to have been similar to yours. it’s a crazy feeling to not only have one core part of your identity ripped away. But, over the course of a few years have almost all of these core parts if not totally removed at least partly. Then like you said in the post you find yourself with the task to completely rebuild yourself. Because these parts were gangrenous they had to go, no choice. This all sounds good and healthy now but it was definitely different as I was going through it. I eventually reached the same conclusions. Be principled, be specific in your values and stick to them.

    Just came across your site and I love the content man, not to many people speaking about this type of stuff.


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